U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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