My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
