I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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