Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm going to jail i love you
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize