So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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