he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Every concussion has its silver lining
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
