im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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