Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
