there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
