No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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