I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
