I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
