I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
