we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
