Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
