you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
