If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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