All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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