i was born a porn star she said
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
