I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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