....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
