In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
