K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
