Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
