his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
