You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
