He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
