I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
