I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
