Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
