She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm at about main and main street
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
