Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
