um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
