I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
