do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
