the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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