I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
