In the future we'll all be gay
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
