I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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