If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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