You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
