so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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