Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
