Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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