Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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