Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was born a porn star she said
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
