Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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