i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
