I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
