your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
