i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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